Thursday, April 26

So I felt like Writing...

April 26, 2007 5:51p

As I sit here in a remotely quiet corner of Starbucks, I've been given the incredibly lovely chance to think. Before I begin on my thoughts, I have to confess that I really enjoy having these chances to myself... even amongst people, strangers. Going home, I'm surrounded by pressure and absolute loneliness [in the form of four walls], leaving me in complete desolation, away from people and myself. Being around friends, however wonderful they are, I'm forced to always speak with them, a feat I find impossible or at least, quite difficult. I am a naturally quiet girl. It is quite incredible to have amazing friends who deal with the silence that I bear.

But here I am, amongst strange people, enjoying my very existence. The music, beautifully soft, allowed the fuel of caffeine to, ironically, sink comfortably into my very center. I am mellow. I have the chance to ponder; I love this moment. I am my element.

Yet my thoughts, however tranquil my body lies, sent pangs of sadness through my. What of my heart? Its existence is still quite questionable. But thoughts of him continue to haunt me. No, not Greg. A wonderful boy such as he can only bring me happiness. No, not Greg.

The other boy. The one who I've mentioned before, in quite an angry tone. The one whose being angered me completely. But despite those feelings, his kindness and patience toward me cannot be ignored. Yes, his intentions are questionable, but his actions are not. If you really couldn't tell, it's bugging me...

Of course, I'm still unsure of my opinion of him; they cannot be bad for the aforementioned qualities, but some hint of doubt render them as not wholly good. He is, after all, a fickle and utterly superficial guy, one of the worst I've ever met. Yet again... he's been kind.

Whatever.--

I confess that I've been extremely detached from people lately. The reasons for being aloof are still unknown, but they remain irrelevant. Ironically, such detachment has allowed me to be more friendly with more people. Blah.

My care cup is empty once again.

By the way, Al and I have really gotten into the whole "Trapped" and "Crimson Room" phase again. Fuuuuuun.