Thursday, December 25

It baffles me how oddly my mind works. There are days, months ago, when I could not go an hour without rambling about everything and nothing. Here I am, months later, with almost nothing to say. How can I possibly go from overwhelmingly large amounts of inner dialogue to absolutely nothing at all?

I'm able to find minimal solace in my current state. Although it's a tad refreshing to not feel, think, ponder anything for hours on end after spending eleven months questioning everyone and everything, I worry that perhaps my heart's just a shriveled, dried-up mess. My care and passion for that and those in my life extinguished. Terrifying to believe that I've fallen into complete and utter apathy.

So now I ask you this, oh great world. If you believe yourself to be as great for holding the pleasures of the human race so simply in the palm of your hand, why can I not find the peace that I so pondered on and hoped for those eleven months when I had a heart? Don't give me your narcotics. Don't give me your liquor. Give me my peace.

... And maybe a martini.

Saturday, December 13

Whatever happened to old-fashioned romance? You know, the sort that's seen in aged, dog-eared, sepia-toned photographs, and when fairy tales and stories played a larger role in a little girl's life instead of Miley Cyrus' latest escapade.

Can we not whip out the gowns, dresses, and class? Iron out age-old gentlemanly etiquette and intricacies and prepare them for the night. For goodness sake, what happened to when knees would buckle at the slightest glance?

And it is not weakness. It is not hopelessness. It's expecting more from reality, expecting what we deserve.

Friday, December 12

Cold medicine and Disney songs

Listening to the Disney songs for half an hour straight, I realize something: I haven't felt this way in almost a year. At peace with almost every element in my life, including the negative. Some may argue that it is actually post-finals (or in my case, post-ENV101) syndrome, in some ways, it goes a lot deeper, and a lot farther back than finals. I cannot exactly pinpoint where, but... I may say this with all honesty: I am happy.