A Heavy Burden at 7:10p

Are you alright? You seem pretty quiet. What's the matter?

Silence. The absence of words and, through its connotation, the absence of thought and heart. My lack of diction at certain points in the day do not fall under the latter. In reality, it is actually the latter that causes my silence and the actual lack of care.

No dangerous thought plagues my mind and my heart is not yet succumbing to any sadness that many speak of. Random musings, as you should know, merely occupy that general area.

Sadly, I would've expected many to understand that I'm not a speaker in any sense of the title. I do not enjoy speaking as much as I do observing. Of course, there once existed a deep fear of the very act; verbal humiliation seems quite unbearable at times. But due to recent events, that fear may be suppressed. But just because I think and have opinions does not mean that I enjoy constant communication of them. Nor does it mean that I am without.

My silence has a purpose most of the time. I wish to get lost in my own thoughts and for a moment leave the reality in which I exist. Reasons behind this retreat may vary, sadness being only something minor. Being only 17, I can easily get bored, can I not? Can't I just muse around what-ifs and exist in the very microcosm that is my mind for only a second?

When these moments do occur, it's quite pointless to articulate them to ears that have been deafened by their own voice or loud music (not at all surprising; good job, guys). Aren't you tired as well? What is relaxation to you? Careful, careful. What are these words to people who won't listen?

So, no. I'm not sad (usually). I'm merely tired of the common and seek repose.

After all, I don't really care about the latest "it" couple on the campus. Scusi.