Within the last three months, one could say that many things have happened. The range of emotions covered in that time could describe the majority of the emotional spectrum.
Did a surge of happiness make me feel so elated to the point of no-return to reality?
Perhaps not, but a bystander may point out that I have been pretty damn happy.
Did there seem to be absolutely no point to life and thus make death a much more practical road to travel on?
Goodness, yes.
But because of all of that, I question the trust-- or "trust"-- entrusted to every person whose existence I hold dear to me. Friends, parents, other family members, it's almost confusing how things have turned out.
No, I am not lost but merely pensive as to what all of this will lead to. Will my parents and I still be in good terms with one other? Will I begin to talk about worthwhile things with people from church? Will my friends ever come back? Who are my friends? Questions like that force themselves into my mind everyday now. And as they continue their invasion and give birth to paranoia (Oh why must that harlot exist in the folds of my mind!), my stubbornness grows as well.
I haven't done anything wrong except for that one thing, is what I want to tell them. But being the youngest in such a patriarchal family deems my opinion to be the least important. My only hope right now is that I don't remain in this protective bubble of childhood for the rest of my life. Why can't they realize that?
My thoughts are jumbled and I am too apathetic at the moment to organize them. My apologies.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Minor Fall
about
- The Humansong
- A song sung to convince someone to love you... Every humansong is as unique as a fingerprint. When you open a window in the spring, the air is sometimes filled with them. --Nicole Krauss