Fear

Without any verbal adornments, I say this: I am afraid to understand myself.

It is accepted that to be human, flaws are inevitable; flaws, ironically, perfect. Such is the thought that has been accepted throughout the course of human history. As stated by Confucius, Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. And all of this, I accept.

I acknowledge that this main idea of physical and emotional "perfection" is partly true. But by knowing and even accepting one's own shortcomings, it is expected that as ideal humans, or junzi in Confucian thought, it is the responsibility of man to try and transcend the mistakes done and/or inflicted.

And for that reason, I dread fully knowing myself. I fear the moment where I am forced to fully accept the reality of my being. Because if so, then it is necessary for my to take up the burden of correcting the faults that are my own. Please do not misunderstand. If such an instance arises, I will be certain to do that. But being me, it is possible that I lack the talent, the resolve to achieve correctness. And this, in turn, will lead to failure.

I am Leslie, and I do not wish to comprehend myself. I do not wish to fail once again.